Thursday, June 21, 2007

Golf Blogger, 42, Found Dead after Struck by Golf Ball Torrent

Up here in Minne "snow" ta, we are big watchers of the weather. Sometimes Northerners like us say: "If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few hours and it will change." We often talk about record snowfalls like the Halloween blizzard (30 inches on October 31st) or record cold temperatures. We constantly argue every winter if International Falls really is the coldest spot in the nation and if Good Morning America reports that we are, aren’t we proud.

The hardy souls in the land of 10,000 lakes seem to always be captivated by the local weatherperson, who by the way is often less attractive than the sportscaster, tell us to panic and run for cover because the next weather apocalypse is fast approaching from the West.

Bozos that wouldn’t know hail from Hale Irwin, call into local radio stations and provide great insight about what’s happening in their backyards. Wherever we are, we tune in to the local TV or radio station and stay riveted to our seats as the talking head babbles on about all of the school closings, severe thunderstorm warnings or flash flood alerts in our area. This must be the sign of the “end times” we say to ourselves.

What I find extremely funny is how we describe hail. Our hail can be pea, marble or pebble-sized. If the conditions are right we might even get baseball, tennis, softball or grapefruit-sized projectiles dropping from the heavens. I’m waiting for the day that bowling ball-size meteors hurl down from the sky ripping holes in our roofs or exploding through our pictures windows. Now that would be a weather story to remember.

My favorite though is golf ball-sized hail like we had today in Minnesota (I know you were wondering how I was going to make the connection). Can you image all of those “Titleists” falling from the sky at 100 MPH denting our siding, breaking our windows and dimpling our car tops?

Yet, we aren’t the only ones to be so lucky having Pro V1s crash down upon us. Here are some recent headlines: Thunder, Lightning, Golf-ball Sized Hail, Pummel New Hampshire; Storms Dump Golf Ball-sized Hail on Dallas/Ft. Worth, Golf ball-sized Hail Batters Broward County, Florida. Even the Chinese are not immune to nature’s golf ball barrage: Golf ball-sized hail pelts Beijing.

According to one of our local meteorologists, the largest hailstone ever documented in the United States hit Coffeyville, Kansas in 1970. It weighed 1.67 pounds, 5.7" in diameter, and probably hit the ground at 120 mph. Until 2003 that is. That was the year the Aurora "Borealis" Hailstone crashed to earth. Don’t believe me? Well, just look it up on the website: so it must be true.

I can just see my demise reported in tomorrow’s headlines: "Golf Blogger, 42, Found Dead after Struck by Golf Ball Torrent".

Now I’ll no longer worry when someone yells "Fore". That’s only one golf ball that’s trying to kill me.

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